Esc
by smokingace
Summary: Lavi entices Kanda via instant messenger to come over and make him a delicious dinner. High School AU series.


**Title:** Esc (Enter Sexy Corazon)

**Pairing: **Lavi/Kanda

**Rating: **R

**Disclaimer: **DGM belongs to Hoshino Katsura et al.

**A/N:** High School AU again; written only by me.

&

[Valentine's Day]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (6:45 PM)

**thebookthief**: /EATS YUU ALIVE

**kanda_not_yuu**: orly.

**thebookthief**: D: yuu, you sound creepy.

**kanda_not_yuu**: whatever. What do you want.

**thebookthief**: uh, wanna come over and cook something special for me? :D?

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (6:48 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (6:49 PM)

**thebookthief**: sob

**kanda_not_yuu**: why are you crying.

**thebookthief**: NO. SON OF A BITCH. ?

**kanda_not_yuu**: I accidentally pressed the escape key.

**thebookthief**: right. Uh.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not coming over, anyway.

**thebookthief**: WHY NOT

**thebookthief**: WHY NOT

**thebookthief**: WHY NOT

**thebookthief**: HAVE YOU GROWN BORED OF MEEEE?

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. It's that stupid holiday that is not a holiday. I'm not coming over because I know what you'll be expecting.

**thebookthief**: course I expect it. IT'S VALENTINES DAY. GIMME. I NEED YOUR COLD TOUCH.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not going to grace that with an--- cold?

**kanda_not_yuu**: I am not cold, you sick sob.

**thebookthief**: so cold. So cold, you freeze my nipples off.

**kanda_not_yuu**: _just so you know this_, I am hitting the escape key, and don't you DARE talk to me in class tomorrow.

**thebookthief**: so verbal~ JUST PLS WAIT

**thebookthief**: WAIIIIT I HAVE MORE TO OFFERRRRR

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. Do you?

**thebookthief**: i. uh. Didn't think you'd answer that.

**kanda_not_yuu**: surprise, dumbass, I answered.

**thebookthief**: D:

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat.

**thebookthief**: yuu-chan.

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat.

**thebookthief**: GASP. YOU ANSWERED TO IT. when i was really talkin about my darling kittycat.

**kanda_not_yuu**: so. I hate that cat.

**thebookthief**: now that's a blatant lie if I ever did hear one.

**kanda_not_yuu**: except that you didn't hear it, lol

**thebookthief**: s-stop creeping me out. Orz

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. Orz?

**thebookthief**: you know. 'I'm banging my head, not out of frustration, but in hopes of getting lucky tonight'. It's a small OTL. :3

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**kanda_not_yuu**: why not big?

**thebookthief**: kanda. do you want the big version?

**thebookthief**: yuu.

**thebookthief**: :3

**kanda_not_yuu**: maybe. Stfu.

**thebookthief**: ah, so you do believe. Striiike~

**kanda_not_yuu**: I said stfu. Or… none of that.

**thebookthief**: good! You can come over and make me dinner. Yuu-chan is already so excited to see you. his hair's all standin up.

**thebookthief**: but that might be because you've creeped him out too.

**kanda_not_yuu**: hence, I hate that cat.

**thebookthief**: that's not what you said the last time. If I'm not mistaken, you were all over him.

**kanda_not_yuu**: fu

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (7:02 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (7:03 PM)

**thebookthief**: is there something wrong with your escape key?

**kanda_not_yuu**: … you might say that.

**thebookthief**: fu?

**thebookthief**: fu…. ck me? ^u^?

**kanda_not_yuu**: …

**thebookthief**: fuck you? oho

**kanda_not_yuu**: you're losing it, lavi.

**thebookthief**: I try. I only need your tender touch to return to normal.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you. are retarded. What do you want me to cook? And make up your gd mind.

**thebookthief**: asparagus.

**kanda_not_yuu**: pardon?

**thebookthief**: idk, I've got an asparagus tooth atm.

**kanda_not_yuu**: uh

**kanda_not_yuu**: right. Asparagus. Give me a minute.

**thebookthief**: ALL RIGHT I'LL BE SPAMMIN YOUR WINDOW

**thebookthief**: so today I got a total of 15 chocolates. It was wicked. There's one that's wrapped in green wrapping foil. Pretty gorgey. I spent all of lit staring at it.

**thebookthief**: Then I got a tea box from lenalee, and that wasn't so wicked. Yet I should count myself lucky since she got allen a whole box of mint chocolates, and he hates chocolate. She must've missed the memo. So in a way, I got everything, and he got nothing. Works out for me~

**thebookthief**: then I gave him some of my teabags because I'm such a nice guy.

**thebookthief**: I gave Miranda a brooch for her dress. For some reason, she's stuck in another century.

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. Lenalee gave me those… candies. In a Chinese takeout box. She's a romantic fool.

**thebookthief**: HEY

**kanda_not_yuu**: WAT.

**thebookthief**: I see what she did thar.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ?

**thebookthief**: you know, for being in advanced sociology, you sure are thick when it comes to these things. C'MON READ INTO THE NUANCE.

**kanda_not_yuu**: which one, asshole. The one with lenalee or the one where you give a TEACHER a brooch when you know very well that she is clumsy enough to prick her finger on NOTHING and then, at your pleasure, wind up in your arms where you play the nobleman, putting the bandaid right on her skinny little finger.

**thebookthief**: … PHWOAR.

**kanda_not_yuu**: right. Anyway.

**thebookthief**: i eat my words.

**kanda_not_yuu**: that's right.

**thebookthief**: I choke on them.

**kanda_not_yuu**: right.

**thebookthief**: but. you forgot the part where you come in at the most inconvenient time, catching us in the act! Oh noes! and then I run after you! and we find a cleaning closet! And we have wild man sex up against the wall!

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: :3 and then I choke on _you_~

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. Forget it. what _else_ do you want to eat?

**kanda_not_yuu**: … ?

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat.

**thebookthief**: /gropes~

**kanda_not_yuu**: lavi, I'm not doing that right now. Now _what_ do you want to eat?

**thebookthief**: idk. I thought we established that. Just bring over whatever… tickles your fancy~

**kanda_not_yuu**: what are you trying to do. Are you doing that flirting thing, with me? Or are you just fucking with me? I am not amused either way.

**thebookthief**: yuu choose. :3 also, bring over margarine, sugar, and milk.

**kanda_not_yuu**: what for?

**thebookthief**: the margarine is for us. The sugar is for dessert.

**kanda_not_yuu**: and the milk?

**thebookthief**: so glad you should ask~ it's for yuu-chan. If you give him some milk, he will accept your love. That way, you won't have to force yourself on him anymore~

**kanda_not_yuu**: yeah, I'm beyond listening to your shit right now. What else?

**thebookthief**: you gotta admit that was good. I'm being creative here.

**kanda_not_yuu**: wait. The margarine…?

**kanda_not_yuu**: don't even think about it.

**thebookthief**: WHEN ARE YA COMIN OVER MY SEXY CORAZON

**kanda_not_yuu**: when you stop being an ass. AND ANSWER MY GD QUESTION WTF?

**thebookthief**: orz

**kanda_not_yuu**: tch. Fine. I'll bring whatever over. You better like it. _and_ eat your vegetables.

**thebookthief**: D: I do eat my veggies. I eat carrots all the time.

**thebookthief**: yuu?

**thebookthief**: you know you wanna remark on that.

**thebookthief**: c'mon. you can do it.

**thebookthief**: YUU BB JUST GIVE IT TO ME WHY STOP NOW

**kanda_not_yuu**: I can't.

**thebookthief**: w-why not? D:

**thebookthief**: is it stage fright? DO YOU HAVE STAGE FRIGHT.

**kanda_not_yuu**: it's chat.

**thebookthief**: kanda.

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat.

**thebookthief**: do you want me to nibble on your carrot?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(7:30 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (7:31 PM)

**thebookthief**: escape key?

**kanda_not_yuu**: maybe.

**thebookthief**: I could.

**kanda_not_yuu**: … nibble?

**thebookthief**: I know what we should do now. It's all so very clear.

**kanda_not_yuu**: great.

**thebookthief**: no, the greatest. Let's cyber.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you mean roleplay?

**thebookthief**: no. I mean cyber.

**kanda_not_yuu**: is there a difference?

**thebookthief**: not sure, but as I've got your full attention, I am now tugging off your…. Gay sweater.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I am not wearing that.

**thebookthief**: yes you are. You always wear it during this time of night. In fact, you're probably rubbing your arms right now. Up and down. And your hair is probably up in that high ponytail that's so rare these days. They used to tease you about it at the start of school.

**kanda_not_yuu**: anything else?

**thebookthief**: yes. You've just crossed your legs.

**kanda_not_yuu**: wtf? How did you --- no. forget it. you're right. But that's it.

**thebookthief**: I'm kissing the back of your neck, kanda. how do you feel about that?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: am I right, or am I right?

**kanda_not_yuu**: I can feel you. keep talking.

**thebookthief**: /wins ALL RIGHT SO LIKE

**thebookthief**: my hands are warm from the keyboard. They're all over your shoulders, and down those sleeves that run over your hands. Your hands are tender. Callused, but tender.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: your hands aren't so cold. Because I am there with you. I take your hands, kanda, and put them in your lap. You uncross your legs.

**thebookthief**: are you uncrossing them?

**kanda_not_yuu**: whatever. Keep going.

**thebookthief**: and I place my hands over yours, and we unzip your pants together.

**kanda_not_yuu**: together.

**thebookthief**: together. Don't that make your heart beat like a jungle drum? _hey, it's cuz of you, the world's in a crazy hazy hewwww~_

**kanda_not_yuu**: hardly, by any definition. _Stop quoting emiliana_.

**thebookthief**: lies. I bet you're leaning over your laptop right now, wondering what the hell to say. :3 _and no_.

**thebookthief**: so I'm probably right. Because you're not answering. That's okay. I forgive you.

**kanda_not_yuu**: stfu?

**thebookthief**: it's okay, kanda. no one's around. /amused~

**kanda_not_yuu**: quit the rp bullshit. If you want to get down to it, hurry and tell me what you want to eat.

**thebookthief**: I WANT TO EAT YOU.

**kanda_not_yuu**: fine. That can be arranged. I'm coming over. Do not go _anywhere_.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (7:51 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (7:54 PM)

**thebookthief**: orz

**kanda_not_yuu**: oy.

**thebookthief**: you should get that key checked out.

**kanda_not_yuu**: tell me more.

**thebookthief**: ehhhh

**kanda_not_yuu**: you know. That.

**thebookthief**: we've … untied your sweat pants already, yuu.

**kanda_not_yuu**: how do you know I'm wearing them?

**thebookthief**: because you always do when you think you're settling in for a night of hw but instead you wind up chatting with moi. Like always~

**thebookthief**: it's just the right thing to do.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I've just had a shower, lavi.

**thebookthief**: oh?

**thebookthief**: don'tchoo go making me all…

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm in a towel.

**kanda_not_yuu**: so you are wrong.

**thebookthief**: OH HAPPY HAPPY DAY.

**kanda_not_yuu**: do you…. know how to make me happy, lavi?

**thebookthief**: ffff happy daayyyyyyyyyyyy YES.

**kanda_not_yuu**: then I'll make you dinner over here.

**thebookthief**: y-yes.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'll make you carrot stew.

**thebookthief**: t-that sounds…. YES.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you better hurry. I'm starting to get _cold_.

**thebookthief**: I

**thebookthief**: I'M COMING.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ?

**thebookthief**: STAY RIGHT THERE.

**thebookthief**: EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE.

**thebookthief**: w-wait hold on

**thebookthief**: is your hair all tangled in another towel?

**kanda_not_yuu**: …. Do you want my hair to be tangled in a towel?

**thebookthief**: OH GOOD LORD. JUST DON'T MOVE A HAIR. AAAHHHH

**kanda_not_yuu**: hurry.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (8:04 PM)


End file.
